I love my country, as I am sure all of you do. We are steeped in Indian nationalism, culture, ethos and beliefs. Ideally all these should make me really proud of my nation and its people and culture.
But for one thing.
You see I am a father to a daughter. A simple statement of fact, that, but one that carries an immense amount of responsibility. Not because beti is paraya dhan and you must raise her like someone's amanat (seriously, who comes up with such dialogues?!), but because it's up to us, all the fathers of daughters, to ensure that half of our country's population stops feeling like second class citizens in their homes. I can't change the way sons are raised in our country (I so wish I could, though) but I definitely can ensure that my daughter doesn't bear the brunt of someone else's son growing up believing that he's god's gift to mankind.
So here are 5 things I've resolved to teach my daughter, as an Indian father.
Her opinion counts
This is a country where boys her age are already conditioned to be the
aggressor, just by dint of being boys. Teach her to not buckle in the
face of this aggression. Tell her that her opinion always counts-at
home, at play, at school. Talk to her as if she's a part of the family
without infantilising her. Give her the confidence to participate. Above
all, don't say stuff like "My beti is as good as a beta"
even if you mean it as a compliment. The yardstick for her should be to
be a good person, not live up to your ideal of what a son should be
like.
Break the cookie-cutter mould
Believe me, your daughter will thank you for this later. Resist the
oppressive pressure to buy pink stuff, even if the pressure is from your
daughter herself. Encourage your family and friends to buy her an
assortment of toys-footballs, doctor sets, blocks, et al, instead of
heading straight to the aisle with dolls and houses. Don't tell her to
sit quietly and smile at a birthday party as the boys run riot all over
the place. Once she sees that being different is not only acceptable in
her family, but is actually encouraged, she will start exploring her
personality and find out who she truly is without running in unhappy
circles until mid-life crisis strikes (sounds familiar, doesn't it?).
Be safe, always
While her safety is going to be your and your wife's responsibility till
she grows up and flies the nest, teach her that she doesn't need to
dissolve into a helpless puddle at the first sign of trouble. Far too
often I see parents treat their daughters like princesses who don't have
to be responsible for anything, even their own safety. I'm not saying
don't treat your daughter like a princess-but raise her to be a Rani
Laxmibai. Give her simple rules to follow without exceptions. Make her
memorise the home, yours and your spouse's numbers. Teach her not to
talk to strangers, not to let the neighbourhood uncles and building bhaiyyas get
too close-the barometer is her sense of comfort, not what the other
person feels is acceptable. Teach her to loudly protest a bad touch
without fear. And if possible, enrol her in a self-defence class, it
will give her more confidence in herself and her body.
Respect your body
We're a country (although I suspect this is more a universal truth, than
an Indian one) that starts training its girls to think of thin as
beautiful from the time they start grasping the concept of body and
size. As a parent, make sure your daughter doesn't fall in this trap of
equating fitness with her size. Make sure you tell her, over and over
that it doesn't matter if she is large or small, tall or short-all
that is needed is to be fit and healthy. Give her the power to
understand and be aware of what makes her healthy. As long as she gets
exercise regularly and has a balanced diet, teach her to ignore the
jibes about her weight, height and looks from chaachis, mamas and assorted relatives as is de rigueur in India.
You're always going to be there
This is perhaps the most important lesson of all. Your daughter should
know, without a doubt, that no matter what happens, she can always count
on you being in her corner unconditionally, As her father, you're going
to take her side (sometimes even when she's wrong), applaud her when
she does well, console her when she fails, push her when she needs that
extra nudge, and catch her when she falls. Without exception, without
judgment. Kuch bhi ho jaaye. Give her that trust. Then, and only then, will she have the confidence to test the wings you've given her and take flight.
Do all this and you will feel prouder as a father. And hopefully, as an Indian too.
Liked what Shantanu had to say? Here's what he thinks about sexist dads and the lessons he's learnt while raising a daughter in India.
Are there lessons you want to teach your daughters and sons? Comment below and let us know.