Published on: 11/16/2015IST
Dating Sucks in India... or Does It? These Singletons Reveal All
If I had a penny for every time a married person, or someone in a relationship, told me that 'You are so lucky to not be committed,' or 'I don't think cuddling in winters makes any difference,' or decided to give me gyaanabout how I should have 'fun,' and 'sow my wild oats every where before I settle,' blah blah bleh, I would:
a. Be really rich.
b. Say 'Bitch, please.'
c. Have thoughts about my fist on their nose. And blood.
d. Sulk.
e. Question God.
f. Post a sarcastic/borderline-funny/borderline-soppy Tweet.
g. Download a dating app, maybe.
h. Sulk.
Not to say that I am not happy being a single, independent, playaaah kinda woman who swears by finding fulfilment and gratification within, and takes all the motivational spiel for single chicks on social media very seriously. I also make sure I go around telling anyone who gives a hoot how I don't want to date someone out of desperation, or whatever it is that women on the wrong side of 25 say to justify why are they not popping the 'good news' to the world. And might I add, there is no harm in being a dandy trooper like that.
But delve deep and you will find that being at the mercy of friends, friends of friends, parents, friends with benefits, friends with barely any benefits, no-gooders, do-gooders, over enthusiastic matchmaking aunties, websites, apps, or matchmaking set-ups, shoving men they think we would totally get along like a house on fire down our fierce throats, is bollocks.
It is like an avalanche of relentless bullshit. I mean, I can still beat you all to crazy sex and dating stories any day, and make you all feel bad for all the shizz you are missing out on in your manicured or abusive (depending on who you are with) lives. But in all honesty, it is no fun being kinda-sorta-kinda-like a lonely heart. Especially when you are of an age when everyone in your circle of friends seems to be falling like a card of dominoes in either love, or for the marriage trap.
So, the other day I was feeling really grateful for this dating app called Tinder, with which I feel like I have a love-hate relationship, because it matched me with an exotic looking Estonian photographer who has been in and out of India for the last one year. But sadly, his profile description looked way more worldly and interesting than his pint-sized view of Indian women. And after almost two days of inane banter on WhatsApp, I found him painfully sexist. The man was sent to a place from where no one has managed to come out alive: my blocked contact list.
I digress.
My point is, dating is hard. And no, single people don't always enjoy being single (or celibate). Dating is even harder when you live in a society where two people making consensual love is a threat to humanity, and the collectiveizzat of the whole neighbourhood, as opposed to those flogging and harassing women in public, or killing innocents on the streets.
A few days back we, at Vagabomb, floated questionnaires to more than a handful of those who believe casual dating saves lives, and their answers had us very impressed. Though most seemed convinced that in a country like ours the phrase 'dating culture' is stuff that defines progression, their radical ideas on the do's and don'ts had us jumping up and down like college cheerleaders.
The one thing all of them unanimously agreed to is that there are no rules. As long as you are comfortable being yourself, and as long as you don't mind putting yourself out there, no matter the judgement or your mother's voice in your head breathing down on you saying, 'Gandi Baat' - it's all cool.
Although some had reservations about sex on the first date, and sex in general *incredulous stare*, most didn't care at all. As per all of them, if the date goes well and if there is ample chemistry and passion between the parties involved, why the hell not!
Next we inquired if they'd be keen on dating that same person they slept with on the first date? And as opposed to all the inane 'How to Trap a Guy/Girl' bullshit which dictates 'they won't date you if you put out easy,' none of our case studies seemed to have any hangups.
Suck it, Cosmo!
Most did admit that finding interesting people, who don't creep the crap out of you, or are cool to talk to on dating apps or websites is really hard, given that society at large views healthy dating as a sign of 'western culture' rottinggharelu Indian values. But bhagwaan ki dua se, there are enough consumable fish and prawns in the sea.
We asked them what they thought is the one thing that mattered the most? Conversations, was the unanimous reply.
And as far as tips to help guys/girls nail the date they are with: Just chill and be yourself. Don't try too hard. Don't be creepy. Only an invitation for sex is an invitation for sex. Boys and girls can hang out with each other without doing sexual things. Alcohol helps. So does humour.
Meanwhile: I matched with two boys. One of them asked me if I wanted to be his Lolita? *stares blankly*
11/16/2015 | | Permalink